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Showing posts from 2019

Five things I've learned after 2 weeks of Project 333

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The Project 333 experiment has been a curiosity to me for years now. It does, periodically, have Moments on both minimalism and fashion blogs -- which are, in fact, my jam.  The tl;dr version is that Courtney at Be More With Less  came up with this challenge, oh, goodness, I don't know how many years ago. You choose 33 items (excluding underwear, exercise clothes and PJ's, and everyday things such as my glasses and my engagement ring) which you will wear for the next 3 months. 33/3, get it? You toss everything else into boxes and get it out of sight. Every shoe, scarf, pair of earrings, all is up for scrutiny to achieve a closet-spot among the 33. If you have an "I chose poorly" moment where something isn't working and/or you want to switch, you can, because this is not an exercise in suffering. Obviously, you want to limit this by choosing well from the get-go, but this is an experiment. It's not a vow of austerity. In this way, the idea is that you

It's time for a gratitude list.

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Overall, in the last few months, things haven't been so much rough as they've just been... Mush. Like... unseasoned mashed potatoes. Equally joyless and painless. Equally without flavor or meaning. At least when I felt like shit last week, I felt something. It's pretty hard to figure out a balance of honesty about the natural pathos in my life and in my head, and maintain some level of aspirational-status that's generally a goal when you want to finally get around to monetizing your writing skill. And pretty much nobody wants to be what I've mostly felt like lately. Here's the thing, though. It ain't a sprint, and change comes from choice. Have I really been wallowing in same-old, or have I just not been paying attention? Here's a challenge if you're relating to any of this: Count ten things you're grateful for. Right now. Scratch them down on a Post-It, the back of a napkin, whatever you've got. Feel free to share in the comments

Ah jeez, someone just wrote why I haven't been writing, better than I probably ever could.

"Depression steals joy, but it also steals time. Depression steals time in my life that I would otherwise use creatively, to write, to read, to grow. It’s nearly impossible for me to be sitting here getting these words out of my fingers onto the screen — I’ve nodded off at least twice, I keep deleting things and re-writing them, not knowing what to say because I feel like it’s the same old story, told for the billionth time by the millionth person. Days go by and all feel the same because they are the same. When nothing new is created, a day is wasted. It’s something I’ve felt for years, and it’s something I feel even more acutely when I am not creating because I am stuck in a dark hole of depression, feeling like I’m without a good word to say. Depression steals my words from me." Full post here

Sometimes my head is a very scary place to be.

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I haven't been so compelled to write that it wouldn't let me do literally anything else, for quite some time. I'd much rather still be sleeping. Unfortunately (Fortunately?) something broke in me last night. That dam that holds in all the roiling mass of... nightmares? screaming? inner demons? Anyway, yep, that broke after threatening to all week. I hate it when I go from outwardly functional to not being able to turn off the waterworks for hours. David just sat there, alternately holding me and letting me fidget-pace around, streaming frighteningly-quiet tears and sobs, unable to stop the word-vomit of every little thing I usually keep in. If I'm honest, I haven't been in a safe place to actually let go or process what's actually going on in here since about 2008. It's now abundantly clear that this man loves every bit of me, even the fears and darknesses I haven't even told my therapist about yet. Even the Jerry Springer-level family drama that

Daywalker Dressing: look the part

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Have you ever just been so Damn Over It? I've kind of felt like Sisyphus all week. Sometimes you just swallow the scream, and smile and nod. Looking professional enough on the outside helps protect the cash flow 'til the workflow feels natural again. Maybe it's just the weather. My anxiety has just been on a spike lately, and it leaves me feeling too tired to write, and frankly kind of mean but with few outlets. I don't know where the good karaoke spots are in this town, but I have a mighty need. At least I look fresh and profesh and manage not to throw the TPS report  at anyone. Or break any printers . The good days will come again. Gray sweater: Gap, thrifted Bow blouse: thrifted Pull-on pants: 212 Collection at Kohl's

Sometimes a breakthrough looks like a breakdown, part 3: The first wolf

Content notes for emotional abuse, threats, sexual coercion, and mention of physical abuse. Out of necessity, I've broken things down into smaller pieces than I was going to. The depression is somewhat improved from this time last week, but I'm still dragging ass -- And strangely enough, talking about past traumas doesn't make me feel any less tired! I lack the energy or emotional fortitude to speak about 3 different abusers today. It is necessary, though, that I speak of at least one. I hope someone, somewhere, sees the flags earlier and avoids going down this road -- or recognizes themselves and finds the resources to leave.  He had the most devilish grin -- My mom hated him. So, of course, I adored him. It was the early 2000's, and we lived in rural Indiana, so of course everyone our age was into nu-metal. He dressed sort of like he was in one of those bands. He was moody to match, and he had that certain early-oughts porcupine hair; surely you remember it. (None o

Bat's Top Five: 5 Blogs I Highly Recommend In 2019

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The Crone, photo by Fuzzcat This post contains an affiliate link to a book. If you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive compensation. It's my continuing promise to never, ever recommend anything that I don't personally love. Happy Wednesday, y'all! During my unintended hiatus last week, I caught up on a little reading. So at least I feel like I accomplished something . Besides polishing off another chapter of crone archetypes for the winter season , I caught up on some of my favorite bloggers that I've recently followed. I'm pleased to say it was very difficult to narrow it down to five! 1. And She Stumbled Down The Rabid Hole She blogs about several things, including a variety of musical interests, horror and macabre aesthetics, and fashion - especially gothic spins on eco-fashion. A favorite post: DIY Cotton Pads (black, of course) Whenever I apply or wash off my makeup I use cotton pads. Almost every day. I came across the idea of

Pieces

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I haven't taken any full outfit photos lately, so here are some pieces. Boots with leggings were in the uniform. This was Friday the 11th. Guess what! I'm mildly depressed -- And I'm happy about it! I wasn't happy about it when I couldn't figure out what the malaise was for the last couple of weeks that made it damn near impossible to write and keep up on my blog schedule. David was supportive - If you need a break, you need a break, he said. I'm me, though, so I saw it as an unacceptable setback. I asked my shrink what the hell was wrong with me - why am I tired all the time again, but not in a way that it seems like any sleep will help? Why does it feel like it's right in my bones and my soul? "You're depressed," she said. What? No, that's not what this is. I'm not struggling at work. I'm not missing any work. I'm not bursting into tears at random, sleeping an entire day, or drinking any whole bottles of wine by m

This is 34, and we have a winner!

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Hey y'all! I made it to 34! My love gave me a cupcake and then fixed breakfast for me, him, and Bonus Kid. It's icy out, so we're having a delightfully lazy day in. I'm just watching bad sci-fi while working to schedule some posts for next week. Bonus Kid is playing games in his room, and David is making the kitchen smell amazing, because I asked for stew with plenty of potatoes for dinner. That's not what you're looking for, is it. You wanna know who got the goods in the birthday drawing . Congratulations, Jessica Love! Jessica! You're getting the latest Dead Can Dance CD, Dionysis! Please send the Facebook page a message letting me know if you'd like this in the mail or email, and which address or email address to send it to. Thanks so much for liking the page on Facebook. Thanks to everyone who participated in the very first drawing we've ever done! Please be on the lookout for future promotions. 

Sometimes a breakthrough looks like a breakdown, part 2: We accept the love we think we deserve.

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I started this series in 2017 on a blog I don't even write anymore , then brought it here in May of 2018, intending to finish the second and third parts. And there it sat. I couldn't figure out why I was so blocked on trying to write the next chapters. And then September happened. And then the New Year's proposal from David happened, and there was my answer: I couldn't write the story, because it hadn't concluded yet. It's time. This series will continue every other Friday until its conclusion. Click For Part One Pretty much all my life, I accepted a crappy excuse for love because I didn't  viscerally  know, within and without, that I deserved better and could do better. That was step 1. It took over 25 years. You can say you know something, or believe something. But if it isn't written onto your heart, your heart will betray you in every test, every time. I was deeply traumatized by two events in quick succession: The tornado of 1990  ri

Huzzah, first milestone met! Someone's getting some free music!

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I said I'm going to give away some Dead Can Dance if we hit 100 likes on the Facebook page , and I meant it! Yesterday, we busted through that goal. And if we get to 200 in the next 10 days, I'll give away two copies! The drawing will be on my birthday, January 19. To stay first in line for updates on the blog -- Including future giveaways and special offerings! -- click here to subscribe. Thanks for being here from the beginning as I work to build a fun and empowered community here! 🖤🦇🖤 LC

Daywalker Dressing: Bunhead

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I seem to be making a habit of photographing my casual-Friday outfits. The increased leeway on a Friday is fun to play in - and it's different for me than for most of the office, since I rarely wear jeans, or even pants. Dresses are more comfortable to me. How do you increase the comfort-level on a casual Friday when you're already not wearing pants? You get to incorporate some graphic T's, or even a sweatshirt, if it's elevated. Playing with soft textures is a treat. And you don't care quite so much about your bun being perfect - especially when a cute silk scarf will distract or cover up a bump or stray hair. Depending on the workplace, some legwarmers may be welcome on a cold day. I've had a love-hate relationship with the things, but I just got the best pair , and I cannot stop wearing them. They're so soft, and they stretch enough to go over my thick thighs, but they stay in place. They've held up very well to me wearing them almost constantly a

Friday light reads - what I'm reading today

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“Anyway, if you stop tellin' people it's all sorted out after they're dead, they might try sorting it all out while they're alive.” ― Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, I may receive compensation. Getting back into a routine after a bunch of holidays and a surgery is so fun! (Narrator voice: It was not fun at all.) I do like to share reading lists - articles, posts from fellow bloggers, poems, and books. I unfortunately got out of the habit. Let's fix that. The Closet Feminist: Best Of Self Help   This is a little bit of a misnomer - most of the books listed are memoirs, but TCF has noted they help somethng in the inner self - and broken them down into sections depending on what ails you. Burned-out activist? There's books for that. Need to laugh? There's a book for that. Just feeling off and need comfort or enc

New year, big news!

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(content note: flashing image - don't proceed if you have a seizure disorder that may be triggered.) This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, I may receive compensation. What a great beginning to the year it's all ready been! Dears, I have news that probably surprises absolutely nobody: We got engaged during New Years! Not quite so cliche' as during Christmas, and who'd care anyway? The ring is picked, but is expected to take a month to order in - so I'm going to be counting the days 'til I can show that beauty off! I don't really care about the ring, though - I care about the man. He surprised me with the absolutely sweetest card: BRB, crying forever. He hates to write, y'all. He dislikes it about as much as I enjoy it. But he knows it's something important to me and a means of communication that deeply speaks to me, so that's how he chose to propose. And I think he did a great job. Needless to sa