Pieces

I haven't taken any full outfit photos lately, so here are some pieces.
Boots with leggings were in the uniform. This was Friday the 11th.


Guess what! I'm mildly depressed -- And I'm happy about it!

I wasn't happy about it when I couldn't figure out what the malaise was for the last couple of weeks that made it damn near impossible to write and keep up on my blog schedule. David was supportive - If you need a break, you need a break, he said. I'm me, though, so I saw it as an unacceptable setback. I asked my shrink what the hell was wrong with me - why am I tired all the time again, but not in a way that it seems like any sleep will help? Why does it feel like it's right in my bones and my soul?

"You're depressed," she said.

What? No, that's not what this is. I'm not struggling at work. I'm not missing any work. I'm not bursting into tears at random, sleeping an entire day, or drinking any whole bottles of wine by myself. I'm mostly functioning -- I'm just annoyed about it.

Thursday the 17th. It's gotten ridiculously cold, so the fleece
leggings I got on clearance at Walmart after Halloween were necessary.


Wait. WOW. I am depressed! It's just that I hadn't had an episode in almost a year, and it's milder than I've dealt with in probably over a third of my life. It seems that mild depression is unrecognizable when you'd been living in severe-depression survival mode for over a decade.

So, now I know. My struggles were not just environmental. I have damn near everything I've ever wanted in my life, and I'm positioned well to receive the rest by the time I'm 40. I'm still depressed right now. A year and a half ago, I had plenty to be depressed about. Now, there's nothing. My brain chemistry just flipped the bird at me randomly. This time, I might be able to fight back with just more therapy appointments and some vitamin D supplements. I'm also trying 5-HTP to see if that helps any. The void can stare at me all it wants, but I'm not falling back into its arms this time.

A terrible snowstorm was predicted for Saturday, so we planned an indoor day. There was French toast and sci-fi and cuddling. It mostly iced instead of snowing. Gross. I've stopped planning birthday parties after so many getting snowed out in the last 34 years.

Sunday, we picked up the engagement bling I've been so impatient for. Shelby at the Jared store on the north side of Indianapolis is a delight, and I'd recommend her to anyone.

I friggin' love my ring so much! Worth the wait!

Y'all, it's so real right now.

I've got more writing to catch up on. Take care of yourselves, get enough vitamin D, and have a good week!

Comments

  1. SheilaJanuary 23, 2019 at 3:17 PM

    Your ring is beautiful. I also have depression - coming into a rough time of year, and not being able to identify why I just have this...malaise. Hang in there, hon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LC BatJanuary 23, 2019 at 3:35 PM

      Thanks Sheila! I'm sorry. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.

      Delete

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