Granola Bat

Have you ever just been so Damn Over It? I've kind of felt like Sisyphus all week. Sometimes you just swallow the scream, and smile and nod. Looking professional enough on the outside helps protect the cash flow 'til the workflow feels natural again. Maybe it's just the weather. My anxiety has just been on a spike lately, and it leaves me feeling too tired to write, and frankly kind of mean but with few outlets. I don't know where the good karaoke spots are in this town, but I have a mighty need. At least I look fresh and profesh and manage not to throw the TPS report  at anyone. Or break any printers . The good days will come again. Gray sweater: Gap, thrifted Bow blouse: thrifted Pull-on pants: 212 Collection at Kohl's

This is not festive chocolate booze-ahol. This is yerba mate, because I took this pic at 9 am. The cocoa is for after I post this. Amazingly, the December holiday season is much more festive when you're not roiled by very recent trauma - who knew? Last week, we made thoughtful, relaxing gifts for the people on our list. On Friday, we hit the Naughty or Nice Bar Crawl thrown by The Darkness Underground . J.L.'s full-fur Krampus costume got us all of the attention, and even some free drinks. David and I went considerably more half-assed in attire, because we were tired and we had family things early the next day. My red sweater, black velvet slip dress, fishnets, and black glitter bat-wing headband pulled together into a passable succubus costume, and I thought David's coat made him look a little like a Cenobite. Much fun was had. I definitely hope this becomes an annual event. Now with two successful events under their belt and more plans in progress, The Darkness...

The ones you love the most are worth every fight and every tear. I'm not sure if I mentioned that I'm back in therapy or not, but I am. I need to make sure I get my head on straight enough to really make a stab at having a good life, now that I finally have solid ground under me and a great partner. And I have every intention of staying with him until one of us dies. (If it's him first, I'll be so pissed that I'll bring him back just to kill him again, because how DARE he make me ever live a day without him!) We have fairly infrequent, incredibly frustrating fights. One of them is exactly why I was a weepy mess in therapy yesterday. I feel like I really am a crazy person because it's just so ridiculous. But there's a line where giving too much unasked-for help just makes me feel like you think I'm incompetent. And he crossed that line three or four times over the weekend. Enough that I started counting, which I try to never do. Love isn't a...

"Depression" by AnnDeeF (Content note: If you have struggled with child-loss or difficulty conceiving when you want to, this is probably not a good post for you to read. Particularly if you don't want to read about someone "throwing away" something you dearly want. It's not everyone's path. I'm sincerely, terribly sorry for your troubles, and I hope you find peace. Do not read this if someone being childfree-by-choice is something it hurts to read about.) Narrator voice: Her energy levels did not stay at a good level. It's been a while. I'm sorry. I've been maintaining, working some things around, re-organizing, and getting necessary care. Very importantly, I'm getting my tubes tied on November 29 - less than two weeks! I've known since I was twelve years old that I don't want to have any children of my own. For a long time, I didn't even like children -  not even when I was a child. (Tweener. Whatever.) I was ...

Photo credit: Thomas Guy Gen Con is possibly the highlight of my entire year. So, when a major depressive episode hit, with some of the worst anxiety I've ever dealt with, I was unsure how it would go. And after I'd been so excited because Gen Con 2017 was the 50th anniversary? Now, needing 12 hours of sleep at a time, sometimes still needing naps, with low energy and barely even being able to eat more than a few bites at a time, because the anxiety made me feel like I'd throw up if I ate more than that. Within a matter of a month, I'd dealt with a minor but expensive bedbug infestation, broken up with my boyfriend, and then I got some bad news from work that knocked me over the edge of the worst episode I'd had in 6 years. But I was psyched to work with Iron GM again, so I decided that no matter how much I needed to take it easy over the other 3 days, Saturday, Iron GM World Championship Day, was going to be fantastic.  The people I work with for the I...