Granola Bat

I started this series in 2017 on a blog I don't even write anymore , then brought it here in May of 2018, intending to finish the second and third parts. And there it sat. I couldn't figure out why I was so blocked on trying to write the next chapters. And then September happened. And then the New Year's proposal from David happened, and there was my answer: I couldn't write the story, because it hadn't concluded yet. It's time. This series will continue every other Friday until its conclusion. Click For Part One Pretty much all my life, I accepted a crappy excuse for love because I didn't  viscerally  know, within and without, that I deserved better and could do better. That was step 1. It took over 25 years. You can say you know something, or believe something. But if it isn't written onto your heart, your heart will betray you in every test, every time. I was deeply traumatized by two events in quick succession: The tornado of 1990  ri...

(content note: flashing image - don't proceed if you have a seizure disorder that may be triggered.) This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, I may receive compensation. What a great beginning to the year it's all ready been! Dears, I have news that probably surprises absolutely nobody: We got engaged during New Years! Not quite so cliche' as during Christmas, and who'd care anyway? The ring is picked, but is expected to take a month to order in - so I'm going to be counting the days 'til I can show that beauty off! I don't really care about the ring, though - I care about the man. He surprised me with the absolutely sweetest card: BRB, crying forever. He hates to write, y'all. He dislikes it about as much as I enjoy it. But he knows it's something important to me and a means of communication that deeply speaks to me, so that's how he chose to propose. And I think he did a great job. Needless to sa...

I look back on this year with so much happiness and gratitude. It's been a year of being brave enough for new beginnings, the starts of real healing , laughing 'til I can't breathe, and setting up the way for success and adventure in coming years. Every day, I wake up next to the love of my life and get ready to go work with people I like, at a job that lets me use some creativity in updating the company social media and website, and sets my resume up for advancement. My muse has slowly been returning, and it feels so good to create again, both on and off the clock. I'm able to dream big, and plan for 2019 projects that I can't wait to share with you! There's restlessness, growing pains, and a lot of traumas and negative mindset-habits to keep outgrowing. Plenty remains to put into tonight's ceremony of symbolically burning away what doesn't serve me. Even that, though, I will frame in gratitude. I'm grateful for: all the friends I've...

A pre-note: Once upon a time, I blogged about street style and fashion. That blog is defunct now. I don't remember exactly what the last straw was that turned me off -- something about "the 14 winter coats you NEED to buy right now or you're a frumpy nobody." So I walked away. Overt fashion-awareness and I took a several years-long break.  Fashion and style, for me, have always been about art and self expression. Runway shows are exciting, but couture-draped snobs issuing edicts about what's in or out make me want to go into a full Exorcist projectile-vomiting fit. So! As of right now, I will be blogging about personal style again from time to time. Let's keep it fun. “Oh my God, you look like a middle-aged dad!” “Well…I am, so OK then,” David replied. David’s no-bullshit, rock solid sense of self-assuredness is incredibly sexy MOST of the time. But his go-to footwear is white tube socks with black KEEN sandals. “They’re comfortable!” and he just… l...

The ones you love the most are worth every fight and every tear. I'm not sure if I mentioned that I'm back in therapy or not, but I am. I need to make sure I get my head on straight enough to really make a stab at having a good life, now that I finally have solid ground under me and a great partner. And I have every intention of staying with him until one of us dies. (If it's him first, I'll be so pissed that I'll bring him back just to kill him again, because how DARE he make me ever live a day without him!) We have fairly infrequent, incredibly frustrating fights. One of them is exactly why I was a weepy mess in therapy yesterday. I feel like I really am a crazy person because it's just so ridiculous. But there's a line where giving too much unasked-for help just makes me feel like you think I'm incompetent. And he crossed that line three or four times over the weekend. Enough that I started counting, which I try to never do. Love isn't a...