It's time for a gratitude list.

Overall, in the last few months, things haven't been so much rough as they've just been... Mush. Like... unseasoned mashed potatoes. Equally joyless and painless. Equally without flavor or meaning.

At least when I felt like shit last week, I felt something.

It's pretty hard to figure out a balance of honesty about the natural pathos in my life and in my head, and maintain some level of aspirational-status that's generally a goal when you want to finally get around to monetizing your writing skill. And pretty much nobody wants to be what I've mostly felt like lately. Here's the thing, though. It ain't a sprint, and change comes from choice. Have I really been wallowing in same-old, or have I just not been paying attention?

Here's a challenge if you're relating to any of this: Count ten things you're grateful for. Right now. Scratch them down on a Post-It, the back of a napkin, whatever you've got. Feel free to share in the comments. Here goes:

1) Therapy is going really freaking well. I'm consistent in going twice a month. I've caught myself using some of the things I've learned or had suggested since I started seeing Doris, and we're starting to get into tackling some of the heavy stuff now. 

2) Wading into a little of the heavy trauma this past Tuesday didn't gut me. I still had some energy to chat over dinner, and to be disgustingly adorable with David. As we do.

3) David's birthday is Monday. As has been my tradition so far, I bought his ring way too early, considering we aren't getting married 'til next August. I figured he'd get a kick out of it, so I call it an early birthday present. He has not taken it off since he got it out of the box, so I guess we're basically married now.

4) Total strangers stop me and try to grab at my hand to admire my ring. It's that freaking gorgeous.

5) I've gotten to be a voice of encouragement for the postal worker who brings mail to our workplace. He wants to do graphic design, but doesn't think he's good enough to even start up a LinkedIn, because he has very little formal training. I told my dude we all start somewhere, and he ought to email our creative director. This is a dude who has managed to make a career out of his drawing and design work, and he's incredibly supportive and encouraging to others.

6) I've decided on some certifications to work toward in order to advance my own career. Now to just find the time and energy to work on them!

7) I really probably could write a whole book on building healthy and positive romantic relationships, just based on what I've learned and put into realistic practice in these recent years. There are a lot of aspects in which I couldn't really be considered "living the dream," but people look their whole lives and never find what we have. My partner is absolutely my best friend, and even if there's nothing else I look forward to in a day, I always look forward to being with him.

8) Bonus Kid just hit a milestone - middle school is over, and he hits his first day of high school in just a few short months! I'm so proud of him.

9) Amazon Associates not working out. I admit I never really promoted my affiliate links, because I was pretty ambivalent about it. A lot of even more nasty things have been revealed recently, and I cannot in good conscience feed the Bezos machine for monetary gain. There are other, better paths to create and get paid for it. Growth continues.

10) I'm consistently pleased when my friends' efforts toward their own dreams work out. My friends' Kickstarter for Grimmerspace RPG got funded in one hour, and my friend Tony is getting an accordion. How badass is that?


Oh, snap!

Bonus) I am grateful for women like Candice Marie Benbow: 


This lady is the kind of woman I want to be for other women, and the kind of woman I want in my life. We should support each other! 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Friday light reads - what I'm reading today

Image
“Anyway, if you stop tellin' people it's all sorted out after they're dead, they might try sorting it all out while they're alive.” ― Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch This post contains affiliate links. If you click a link and make a purchase, I may receive compensation. Getting back into a routine after a bunch of holidays and a surgery is so fun! (Narrator voice: It was not fun at all.) I do like to share reading lists - articles, posts from fellow bloggers, poems, and books. I unfortunately got out of the habit. Let's fix that. The Closet Feminist: Best Of Self Help   This is a little bit of a misnomer - most of the books listed are memoirs, but TCF has noted they help somethng in the inner self - and broken them down into sections depending on what ails you. Burned-out activist? There's books for that. Need to laugh? There's a book for that. Just feeling off and need comfort or enc
Read more

Sometimes a breakthrough looks like a breakdown, part 3: The first wolf

Content notes for emotional abuse, threats, sexual coercion, and mention of physical abuse. Out of necessity, I've broken things down into smaller pieces than I was going to. The depression is somewhat improved from this time last week, but I'm still dragging ass -- And strangely enough, talking about past traumas doesn't make me feel any less tired! I lack the energy or emotional fortitude to speak about 3 different abusers today. It is necessary, though, that I speak of at least one. I hope someone, somewhere, sees the flags earlier and avoids going down this road -- or recognizes themselves and finds the resources to leave.  He had the most devilish grin -- My mom hated him. So, of course, I adored him. It was the early 2000's, and we lived in rural Indiana, so of course everyone our age was into nu-metal. He dressed sort of like he was in one of those bands. He was moody to match, and he had that certain early-oughts porcupine hair; surely you remember it. (None o
Read more

Five things I've learned after 2 weeks of Project 333

Image
The Project 333 experiment has been a curiosity to me for years now. It does, periodically, have Moments on both minimalism and fashion blogs -- which are, in fact, my jam.  The tl;dr version is that Courtney at Be More With Less  came up with this challenge, oh, goodness, I don't know how many years ago. You choose 33 items (excluding underwear, exercise clothes and PJ's, and everyday things such as my glasses and my engagement ring) which you will wear for the next 3 months. 33/3, get it? You toss everything else into boxes and get it out of sight. Every shoe, scarf, pair of earrings, all is up for scrutiny to achieve a closet-spot among the 33. If you have an "I chose poorly" moment where something isn't working and/or you want to switch, you can, because this is not an exercise in suffering. Obviously, you want to limit this by choosing well from the get-go, but this is an experiment. It's not a vow of austerity. In this way, the idea is that you
Read more