*sonar screech* (translation: An intro or re-intro.)

So very much has changed. I'm hopeful that one of those changes will be an end to years of not being able to fully partake and enjoy things that were nearly a part of me in the younger, easier days.

I haven't truly, consistently blogged since probably before I was even legally able to drink. I lost my voice. There are several probable culprits, the most dirty being depression and financial struggle.

I also don't do well with themes. So I've just decided not to do that! I'm probably not a niche blogger, so any attempt at finding a niche has felt too much like forcing the matter. I like so many things! I think about so many things! If it doesn't distill into a marketable, easily monetized kind of a brand, whatever! I put together sales proposals for a living now. My life isn't one of those.

I should probably include a blanket content/trigger warning that one thing on my mind a lot, lately, is weight and health. Amazingly, a decade of #depressionmeals and hated, sedentary, low-paying jobs is horrible for your health! Who possibly would have thought?

So, I'm probably going to write about un-doing the damage now that I'm in a place where that's more possible. Nothing like punishment-salad nonsense - I definitely want to re-find health in a happy and body-loving way. When I was at my quickest, happiest, and healthiest, I did happen to weigh less than I do now. That isn't the case for everyone, but in my case, the journey to equilibrium will include weight loss. I've exhibited some slightly-disordered patterns in the past, but never anything with a real diagnosis, and nothing more self destructive than any of my other self-destructive life patterns. I'm sensitive to the fact that just talking about trying to break and un-learn these things can be triggering to folks with an ED, though, so... Content note applies, and will be placed on any posts relating to such content.

It's nice to have some joie de vivre again. It's nice to have survived and have some lessons to share. I absolutely didn't get here on my own. It took a lot of help from other people, a lot of laying groundwork, and some just plain dumb luck or magic. I wish I had "how to pull yourself out of depression and poverty and/or thrive while still poor" kind of stories to blog. But I don't. It was awful. I'm lucky to have survived it.

I'm sure that stuff will come up, but I'm not looking at the past right now. I'm living in now and planning for... dare I say it? A pretty exciting future. A future of life, not survival. A future I finally feel empowered to write.

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